How to Deal with Finding out That You’re Adopted
Learning that you’re adopted often comes as a shock, unless some of you have nurtured suspicions or daydreams about being adopted. Otherwise, the knowledge may just be a confirmation. Dealing with adoption issues mainly depends on the age when you actually found out about it. For example, if you make the discovery between ages 6 to 11, then the issues you’d likely have to cope with are reasons your “real” parents gave you away. Beyond that age range, you may have to address different issues, such as developing the fear of losing your “new” parents or wanting to find your biological parents. Since this is a difficult period, the confusion and emotional turmoil that you may feel is normal. However, here are a few pointers to help you cope with finding out that you’re adopted.
Your biological parents had meant the adoption for your good
Even if your biological mother gave you up for adoption, it doesn’t mean that she didn’t care about you. Maybe she had to, because she wasn’t emotionally and financially prepared for motherhood at that time. She could have been living under poor conditions, and she felt that you’d have a better chance at life if somebody else raised you.
Check your motives
Upon learning that they’re adopted, some kids begin to wonder why their biological parents didn’t want them. They feel resentment and anger toward their biological and adoptive parents. If you’re in this situation, you may be considering running away and trying to look for your real parents. The need to meet your biological parents—or at least your mom—is understandable. However, if your motive for attempting to do so is to cast blame on them and show them how angry you are, you are likely to hurt yourself and other people. Unless you’re certain that you’re emotionally ready for it, don’t go looking.
Not sharing their DNAs don’t mean that your adaptive parents care about you less
Even though they aren’t your biological parents, they did keep you alive and gave you what you needed. This alone should tell you that they love you as their own. Parenting is not a function of blood. You may not be related by blood, but the way your adoptive parents raised you should tell you how good they are as parents.
Finding out that you’re adopted can leave you feeling angry, betrayed, confused, and sorry for yourself. Instead of harboring negative thoughts and contemplating on running away, try to see things from a positive perspective. Also, see if you’re really ready before you stage a confrontation with your biological parents.
Photo Credit : Pink Sherbet
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